Gumtree WTF Wednesdays #5

02 Mar

There be dragons on Gumtree

1. Wanted: to have members for my site to discuver the truth behind dragons
“you can make your oun dragon or follow me with myn goldeas learn how to dwar a simpul dragon for free infact most of it will be free exept some vids or pic for sale and find the story behind this dragon to come and be a fan”

Thee truth is out thar.

So is free stuff:

2. Necklace
bought my gf a nice silver necklace for her b’day only to get dumped…so…free necklace up for grabs…first in best dressed…

Bitter, lovelorn necklace all yours.
Maybe this lady could wear it:

Hey, i was wondering if anyone had a large enough back yard in melbourne for me to maybe camp in for a while, im gardener aswell, so if u let me stay in my tent out the back i can help u garden or something. anyway
much love alicia

Little gnomey garden lady to live in a tent and improve your backyard. Keeps to herself.

I’m sure these creepy sounding hippies have a spot for the right candidate:

We are a couple seeking a natural, nature loving, spiritually aware, down to earth girl who is into natural therapies of all types such as healing, massage, reiki etc.  Daytrips, dinners, hikes, weekends away.   He is late 30’s and she is late 20’s both attractive and vibrant

These all sound like ideal activities for two people. Why the third wheel?



CALL 0413 196 469

Job of the week! Perfect for couples.

6. 100 pice pack of eyes for toys and bears

I've got the feeling, somebodys watchin' me.

An unopened pack of lock in eyes for the making of bears and toys.  There is 100 eyes in the pack and i have another pack of assorted eyes and noses all different sizes for $10.

What did you do with their bodies huh?!

7. Wanted: Advice Please

hi there
i replied to a ad about a family needing to get rid of their dog,
so we drove to pick up the dog, and the woman met me in seymor
i gave her my details and she gave me the dog.
now everything is fine,
she said as soon as she finished moving and unpcked she will send me the paper work,
it was a month ago.
i am going to take the dog to the vet,
but i have fallen in love and do not want the dog to be taken away.
what should i do.
please help

My advice is don’t fall in love.

Speaking of love:

8. Yallambie Honey

To the libidinous woman I see around Yallambie, I wanted to know that you make my day.

I think I heard someone call you Jodi the other day. You have a cute butt, a gorgeous smile and you have an awesome glow about you.

You drive a large black van, and I see you drive past me up a hill everyday.

Look up at me one day. You may find you are not the only one with a horn.

This put me off both Yallambie and Honey. And Yallambie Honey.

There seems to be a lot of people on their porches, checking out the view:

9. For the journo with the sexy cyclists legs

Sometimes I see you fly up the hill where I live on your bicycle and I can’t help but stare at your legs. I have a really strong attraction to you. I have read your articles before I especially liked the one about the vacation you took. For some reason it made me think I was right there with you. I hope your days are going good, I haven’t seen you on your bike lately. If you are reading this and think this is about you, it is 🙂

Those are investigatin’ legs that I wouldn’t mind investigatin’.

10. Barefoot in the Park

On this shimmering weekend, after the working week is done with, who would love to kick off their shoes, and feel blades of grass caress your weary feet and nourish your soul.   I would love to have the company of a free-spirited, spontaneous and intelligent woman in the Botanical Gardens this weekend or the next for that matter.  I am a thoughtful, fun-loving, intelligent and attractive male in his late 30’s.  Must love books, wine and laughter.

Shoeless bohemian seeks another.

11. Wanted: any ladies lookin for freindship in northern suburbs?

hey im a guy in my twenties.. just moved to the north side of town and lookin to make a few good friends.. im old school melbourne.. iv been around.. i know the city well.. i just seemed to have lost contact with those that were closest to me.. in the mean time i want new friends.. i prefer females as thats what im missing most in my life at the moment plus it would kind of feel weird meeting a guy off an ad but if your real and drama free you can also msg me.. anyway its been a long time since iv had good female company and well start off friends and take it from there.. its not like im looking to get settled down or anything.. im not the settling down type of guy even though im not doing much in my life at the moment and living a quiet relaxed life.. im kind of in an in between phase were im moving to a new reality and just having some quiet time to figure just what it is im after in my new reality.. if that makes sense then you know what im talkin about.. anyway.. im lookin for good value people.. no haters.. no bitches.. just real genuine self aware people need apply.. im a very good judge of character so if your a drainer or a loser youll be barred and wont get my attention.. anyway ladies im real and as good as they can get.. if thats not too much for you to handle then feel free to msg me right away.. even if its just to say ‘wats up’..

Rambling stoner will bar you should you be a drainer or a loser. If you’re not a hater or a bitch you watch him oscillate between realities as he figures out ‘wats up’ in his new reality and generally relaxes.

Perhaps he needs a art/pen-pal? Wouldn’t that be golly?

12. Wanted: Art/Pen Pals

What ever happened to good old fashioned snail mail?
Isn’t it so magical to open up a surprise?

Well today I found a whole bunch of stamps and thought to myself hmm? Why not find an art/pen pal wouldn’t that be golly?

Then I thought well what if instead of writing we would send each other drawrings/paintings etc in the mail instead of letters. It doesn’t have to be anything AMAZING, it could be stick figures, blobs on paper, intuitive work, something molded out of clay, something hand made, the list is infinite with the power of imagination. The idea is just to make something with your heart.

So if someone wants to be my Mystery Art Pal send me an email and lets do it.

Have a fantastic day

p.s. I did not make the lotus picture, Some very talented person did, and I found it in Google Images.

Old Doctor Google appreciates old fashioned snail mail, as does Origin Energy and Centrelink.

Send me any ads you might find:


Posted by on March 2, 2011 in funny, Gumtree WTF


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Gumtree WTF Wednesdays #5

  1. Tim Bishop

    March 2, 2011 at 9:43 am

    “necklace” and “camping” seem to come from exactly the same place. I wonder if Alicia was the dumper and the would be recipient of the necklace?


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